Saturday, September 17, 2011

First time and the last time

Until this morning I have never had a binge episode.... Now I feel absolutely horrible.

Let me back up.
One of my parttime jobs is working for our church. We do not have an office in the church, so I keep everything at my house. (locked up and password protected.)

Last night I was running a Windows update on the computer, and it crashed. I mean it crashed!!!! I was up til 130AM trying to coax it to come back to life reload. Nothing, blank blue screen. I ran all the system restores, etc. NOTHING!!!! I finally cried and went to bed.
This AM I missed my alarm, so I missed my Body Pump workout!

I decided to give the computer one more chance. I rebooted, and after going thru all the 'stuff'. I was finally able to reset to factory defaults. BUT, this means I LOST everything!!! All my documents! Now, its running all the windows updates again. 77 of them. Thatll take A LONG TIME!  I called my supervisor, and he was upset, but he didnt blame me, but was upset that we lost so much.

So while, my computer is updating I ran my wonderful son to my parents so he could mow, (He faithfully mows their yard every Saturday).
So, Im sitting here all alone, No computer, No TV, and I start to stalk the kitchen cupboards. I found a bag of Crinkle Cut Potato Chips. Open the bag, and started to eat. All the while, thinking about all the info I lost, and how long it will take me to get caught up. And the info Im to report to the church tomorrow. I kept eating, and eating. AND I DONT EVEN LIKE POTATO CHIPS!!!!!

All the sudden my throat started to hurt. I must not have chewed the chip completely, because one scratched the begeebees outta my throat.
Tha scratch was like, WAKE UP DEB!!! I stopped mid chew. spit out the mouthful in the trash can, and thot, 'What the heck!!' (Ok those werent the words, but I dont cuss out loud, so i wont repeat them here)

Now I feel like crap, its only been 30 mins, and my stomach is alreay churning. I have never had a binge before. EVER!!! It was like I wasnt even thinking. My hand went from bag to mouth to bag to mouth. It was kinda euphoric. I dont really know how to explain it.

I sure to goodness hope I never experience that again.
So of course now Im beating myself up over it, and I feel even worse.

WATER!! I need water!!!
Deb

9 comments:

  1. Yes it is a horrible feeling...had my first binge..box of little mini wheat chocolate...my tonque was sore and sick to my stomach..well I ate the box over 3 day period but most was on last day...YUCK!!!! Ok now that you and I did that we can move on..lol
    Hugs,
    Jolyn

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  2. Ack I know that potato chip feeling. It's horrible. Good thing you stopped!!!

    I hope you restore everything...I've been fighting with my computer since January....If it's not one thing it's another!

    Keep focused on your health and fitness plan!!

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  3. So sorry about the computer, that's so frustrating! Maybe an external HD would help as a back-up? You just plug it into your computer with the included USB cable and that way even if your comp has a problem you'll still have the info somewhere. (Learned to do this the hard way, myself.)

    Hope the water helps you feel better, good job spitting it out even mid-bite!

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  4. I've had those! And you're right- they make you feel terrible! Glad you stopped- I usually didn't. Hope the computer issue is resolved- sorry you lost so much!

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  5. I am sorry for both problems but you will handle them both with grace and more. Because my dear you are awesome. Yes you had a binge, yes you figured that out before it went into days instead of just a couple hours at most. You'll explain to the church and everyone that computers aren't our friends all the time and you'll learn to back up a bit more often. It happens, you learn (on both accounts) and you move on. Deb you are a great and inspiring woman and life goes on. Don't worry, tomorrow is a new week and it will be an excellent one.
    Take care and God Bless!!

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  6. Oh no, I'm sorry about your binge. I hope that it stops there. As someone who is always struggling with the urge to binge, I completely know where you're coming from. It sucks about your computer as well. In the future, maybe think about saving things in google docs...that way it's in the cloud and not on the computer itself.

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  7. Stress, depression, grief, loneliness, all sorts of things used to trigger my binges. Emotions are potent things.

    You stopped...you understand you have this thing in your that can cause this. YOu learn. :)

    Binges suck, but you get back on the horse. That's all we can do. Learn from it, get back on plan.

    Now, update for the Challenge and link up, lady!

    Here's to a wonderful second week for all of us!

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  8. Oh, and technically, that wasn't realy a binge. If you had binged, you would have eaten considerably more and been in belly pain. I mean, a lot of food. This was...in the same spectrum, I guess. A diving into food for the comfort of it, mindless, even. But, well, I suppose we need a better name for it than binge. :D A food-grab? Mindless Food Comforting?

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  9. So sorry your computer crashed! You must have felt so helpless, which is probably why you went for those chips. Don't be too hard on yourself. I hope your feeling better!

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Thanks for sharing your thots and opinions!